((((hugs)))) I can relate as welll... I was gang raped around the age of 4 by a cousin adn four of his friends... repeatedly molested by him and his friends for about another 10 yrs.... raped at 10 by a friend of my dad's son... then molested by one of my grandfather's at age 14... and forced to have sex with another later but am not willing to say who or talk about that one just yet.... I also grew up in a household that was extremely intense... father: a violent alcoholic vietnam vet... biker gang... Mom: unwise to the wolrd and the life she married into...

I was used as an emotional weapon between the two and was born with the belief that I was to be the saving tool which of course didnt work.... before I take over this thread I will stop there....

I am currently married, 36, and we have 4 kids... I decided that I wanted to work on me and not focus on any of my abusers... I wanted to like me and then eventually love me... Which I now do..... I embrace my quirks and uniqeness... I give myself permission to be happy and loved... I forgave those that hurt me... for myself sanity and not theres... I found something positive in each experience and released the control the negatives had over me as much as I can... I know I have residual effects that probably wont ever go away, but I work with them and knwo that I am not at fault.... its a constant journey and process that contunes to grow, have backslides and then more growth.... Writing is my creative outlet to expressing my thoughts and feelinsg about what happened and where I am going and the process in between...

Not sure any of this makes sense or is helpful... I guess what I mean is that I dont allow my past to be my definition...