So before I start I suppose its important to know that im a teen girl. I'll be 17 on June 11th, and im 4'11 in height. That may seem like random and unnecessary information but trust me I have a point.

I have multiple mental disorders however the most prevalent two are severe depression and body mortification disorder (not sure if that's the right terminology, I apologize in advance). Throughout my life trauma has been the definition of existence; there is a very extensive list of things that have happened in my life and to try to keep this as short and simple as possible I will keep those details out.

Recently i have become pretty sick. I've been vomiting and diarrhea and the whole nine yards, and haven't even been able to keep water down. But I like it... And that's where the sick part of my mind comes out. I've been struggling with anorexia nervosa and bulimia for a few years now and its been this last few month that I've really dove into it. Being sick makes it easier to mask around my family and makes not eating unsuspected. Since last Wednesday I have gone from 118lbs to 107lbs... And I'm proud of that... I know its sick... I know its wrong... But I can't help it.. I want to be so thin and so sick I end up in the hospital...

At first I thought that this was wrong when it started many years ago but now I thrive from loosing and being faint and being told I look thin and now I am obsessed with it... I know that its sick of me to think this way but I can't help it...people tell me I need help and they hope I recover buy that's the thing, I don't want to...