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Old May 04, 2015, 04:01 PM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
I second the congratulations! Babies are wonderful! If you haven't already, very soon you will be feeling your munchkin moving around. It is an incredible feeling!

I have been pregnant 5 times. I have 3 babies and have had 2 miscarriages (one very early miscarriage).

My first pregnancy to term was smooth sailing (for the most part) until my grandmother passed away when I was about 7 months along. It made my mood mixed (which I'm sure is typical of Bipolar when a loved one passes). I was VERY depressed but my mind was racing and I was a bigger ***** than I think I have ever in my life been. I was SO often screaming at my husband and throwing things in fits of rage; it was terrible. I had fairly severe post postpartum depression. At this time, I was in complete denial of my diagnosis. Even though I was diagnosed at a young age, because I didn't believe the diagnosis, It didn't even occur to me that this could have been an episode.

My second pregnancy was smooth sailing all throughout the pregnancy and I just had some mild postpartum hypo mania which I only recognize in hindsight.

My third pregnancy I carried to 12 weeks (they say you are almost always safe after 12 weeks btw, so no need to worry). When I got pregnant, I was already in the midst of a psychotic mania and the pregnancy hormones perpetuated and worsened this. Because I was so euphoric at the time, I don't think I ever really grieved the loss. Maybe that was a good thing.

My last pregnancy, I was back to a psychiatrist and taking meds. In my early months, I took Abilify and Lamictal but we had to add Lithium towards the end of my second trimester (it apparently is only a major risk in the first trimester). This was by far my worst pregnancy. I wasn't psychotic during my pregnancy but I remember never sleeping more than 4 hours a night. Despite my medication, I was all over the place and miserable.
Possible trigger:
I was hospitalized at about 7 weeks postpartum. After she was born, I was manic for a short time (a couple of weeks). I remember planning to climb the walls with knives to try to reach the ceiling and being so angry I was in the basement banging my head on the wall. Then I became psychotically depressed and my life was truly in danger so I spent a week inpatient. My postpartum depression lasted a long time and my moods have been everywhere since (my daughter is 19 months old). At my pdoc's suggestion, after much consideration, I had my tubes tied when my third baby was born. I have two beautiful daughters and one handsome son.

I think my episodes are a worse case scenario. Despite everything I went through in my pregnancies the biggest blessing in my life is being a mommy. You will find the same thing. Watching these babies grow into little humans is nothing short of a miracle. They are my greatest joy!
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder