****************************************************************
*
*
* trigger
*
*
*
*




One of the other posts triggerred this memory in my mind and I haven't been able to "let go of it".

I lived in fear... of being found out.. being an incest survior and also a survior of sexual abuse from a pedophile...
left me not a virgin...
So when I had severe medical problems at 16, I was terrified that my doctor would tell my mom that I had been sexually active - during that "day and age" in a small town - something to live in fear of... now days I believe that there is some protection for teenagers that the docs can't share - but back then... such was not the case.
I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mom would blame me... and I was right as after becoming an adult, I did share briefly some of my experiences.. being called names just adds to the pain...

I also think back..to my first sexual experience with my husband and the scene that followed that... my husband was a physically abuse person...
I never to this day shared with him that I had been abused.

I don't know, sometimes I wish I could take back what was taken from me.

Doubt that anyone would truly understand the totality of being so alone and so young with no one to turn to. Just the terror and the pain all rolled into one package..

freewill