Thanks Direction,
I think the answer is that I'm too far away from my authentic self, (I've never really found her... or I think I find her sometimes then she runs away.. ..) as well as too distant emotionally (as in them just not getting me, or not being "there", or being abusive and so on) from most of my family (since birth in fact or very early ...) so I get hurt and wounded by all sorts of things in this world........

Thanks for replying, you're always so caring and insightful (and I saw in another post that you do "hug" lol)

I'm feeling a bit better for now.....

((((( Direction ))))))