Tomorrow I have to talk to my therapist about something that is so difficult. I saw him today and burst into tears on the way home so I knew it was time to have this talk that has been coming for a while. I just dread it. So instead of waiting 10 days I'm going tomorrow and am very grateful for that time having been open because I think I can last about 24 hours with this before I start crying and don't stop.

I don't really want to try to explain it all. He has always been the perfect therapist for me and now he isn't sometimes and while I know and understand some of it the overall is that it's not working as well as it needs to.

I was all ready to bring this up once before and the day I was prepared things went fine again. And the next week things were good again and after that I went from not great but ok to bad and as far as I know things were fine though that time. Today things were back to not right and I have to say something. By going tomorrow I pretty much have to say something and since I burst into tears driving 70 mph on the way home several times I think I have to say something.

I do not want to change therapists. I don't even want to talk about that; it's not an option right now. I just want things to be like they used to be where I pretty much knew who I was seeing every week instead of lately when I don't know what to expect.

I'm scared I'm going to hurt him. I honestly think he may be depressed himself and not aware of this and in that case rushing in with a lot of potentially harsh comments won't help him at all.

I know he is not doing anything that is upsetting me on purpose. I think he would be very upset if he could watch some of our sessions. But I have to let him know that I need things to work better because keeping me healthy is a team effort and he is a huge part of the team.

I need to start writing. I wish I didn't have to do this. He has gone so far out of his way for me and I hate that this has come up but it has and I guess I have to practice some of those annoying life skills and figure it out. But I'm very afraid.