Been a long time since I have been on here. Overall lots of switching and time loss, but hey isnt that the normal thing with DID??!!

Anyway, having a hard time with something. My T went on vacation for a week. And before she left she gave an alter a blanket, very soft throw type. Then before leaving her building someone went back to her and asked if she could make it smell like her. So she rubbed her wrist on it (her perfume ) and now later on that day someone texted her for the name of the perfume to go buy some. So now I have this really soft blanket that smells like her. I prefer not to use it, so I keep it folded up at the end of the bed or in the living room. However I wake up with it wrapped around me or cuddling it like a toddler or something. So not sure how to deal with this...just feel weirded out...

Next...my T does EMDR sometimes...and this I am not sure what alter is experiencieng this or what, but it only happens sometimes. We will agree to do EMDR and then just as her hands touch my knees and I see her nicely manicured nails that are red and feel her fingers start tapping up and down on my knees, I instantly become aware of her perfume and the tapping and her hair and stare at her ( but all I look at is what i can see with my head down) I never look at her. Sometimes i might find that when she is tapping she may look down too and that is when I get a glance of her face and quickly look away before she notices.

I dont know what to make of this experience. It kinda feels like in that moment that I am dissociated, ( my head becomes hazy and my thoughts are jumbled) and I can only smell her perfume and feel her hands ...so when she is done and asks Take a deep breathe let it out and what do you notice?? I always say nothing or make something up...I dont want to lie anymore and want to explain this to her but I am so uncomfortable for some reason. Plus not sure what I d say anyway. As I sit here and think I see it as though i am only aware of her and nothing else...makes no sense to me...

Any thoughts ideas...feedback Please??