Thanks Cashart. I wrote it down and managed to keep all of my manic rage tendencies out of it. I pretty much just wrote how much he means to me, that I do NOT want to talk about changing therapists and that is not my desire at all, that I just want to stop a problem before it gets worse and I'm practicing my skills at doing that which we've been working on for so long. And then I just described the issue and then asked him how I should handle it so that I don't just shut down which is what I'm currently doing.

I am afraid that it will be hard for him, even though I was as nice as I could be and a friend read it and said it was fine. I keep thinking about one day that he called me in and said something about being upset because he messed up with his prior client and that he was pretty sure that time slot would be open from then on (I think he was trying to get me off a late slot because he didn't want me driving in the dark on the meds I was on then). But he was having a rough time even just starting writing on my chart and then excused himself and came back and had obviously been crying. I have no idea what happened in that session but he blamed himself and whatever it was it really upset him a lot. I think we even cut the session really short and they gave me my money back. I don't want to make him cry....it shouldn't but if I'm right and he is depressed it's hard to know how he'll really react.

One of the hard things is that after 9 years you get close enough that I almost want to say "I think ...." but it isn't something I really can do. The walls get weird sometimes.

Oh well, it will be over in another 13.5 hours....