Thanks for the responses. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that has trouble with this. I'm trying to take time to gain some more perspective. I'm starting to work/volunteer for friends and family to keep myself occupied.

hard2smile your experience with the workplace feels really similar to mine. I just hate how work life has to be so cutthroat and evil. At my last company everyone would constantly degrade others and start rumours to try and claw up the hierarchy. With everyone constantly telling me how other people were useless, I couldn't help but Wonder what they were saying behind my back. On top of that my boss was just the worst person I had ever worked with. It was just a constant bombardment of degrading verbal attacks. Healthy people dealt with it by either lashing back or not letting it get to them. I just have such low self esteem to begin with that I just took it straight to heart.

I worked there for 4 years and my wife would always tell me to find another job because I was dragging my issues home with me. I probably should have left when I had the chance, or at least pushed harder to be transferred to a different boss. My self worth has just sunk to such a low place that I carry my old boss around with me everywhere I go.

I couldn't handle not being as good as my coworkers at my new job because anything below perfection had become unacceptable in my mind. I was working on a 15 story building and seeing as jumping had always been my plan I was constantly teetering on the edge. It just felt like I was holding a gun to my head while I was there, I could just end it at any moment if I wanted to. For better or for worse I had a huge anxiety attack/mental breakdown behind the wheel on my way to work one morning and the next thing I know I'm back to square one in the psych ward again.