Ruftin, thank you for replying to me, you are right that there is alot in me that says not to get involved with him again. I dont think he will love me when he didnt back then. However people can of course change and it would be different if we both lived in same country, same city, then I could at least not fear him using me being out for green card. But its a big risk to take when he has done what he did to me and I will be very sorry if I did a mistake marrying him again and it turned out he only wanted green card and left me once again. He knows my concerns and understand them, but I think I must have a talk with him and tell him what "I" need to be happy and that I am not sure can he love me the way its needed. I dont think he will fullfill that and then it will be more pain and wasted years. There is some positive things too, I have met all his family and lived with them and that his family knows he has been talking to me for all these years. And again he wants me to live with his mother, him and some family members that still lives at home. My xhusband lives at home. But just because I have met all his family and lived at their house doesnt mean that he can love me. He may think he can, but I think that he doesnt know quite what love is or he cannot love. He has said things that are not normal to say. Thing that would make people look at you with disbelief and I think it must be part of his disorder whether it is narcissism or worse.

I am thinking so much and the voice in me tells me more to not go through this than to marry. I cannot forget how he treated me and all the mean things he said during the divorce. If I knew already that he really had changed and had repent and really meant he is sorry it would be different, but I dont know that. It is something that only could be seen when together but I doubt that it would be any much different. I dont know, but I think not. And I dont think I can take that risk unless I had something that made me safe. But what should that be.

I should need a therapist, I hoped to get one only to get letter in mail box I didnt have any need for it. This was letter from the health specialists. But I will try again and may get another therapist another place.