I wish I didn't understand the terror and pain of it, but sadly I do. I told my husband (now x) a tiny bit before we married - and never was anything else said. I don't think he cared, he just spent 20 years complaining about how much I hated sex. He was abusive too - scary how we repeat things, isn't it?

It sounds like telling your mom was a bad experience too. I'm sorry for that. I've been thinking about telling mine - even though it is 30 years too late, but I'm terrified she'll blame me.

I hope you can soon put this memory to rest and find peace again. Do you have a therapist or group to help you with this?