Hi eskielover and Trippin, thank you both for replying,

eskielover, we dont have same religion so its right this is also something I think about and I also think would God want that. I dont think so unless there was a meaning behind it all. He would not want us to live there, this is why I am thinking about the huge risk I would take and to be sorry if he did the same once again. I have lived with his parents, so yes you got that right.

Trippin, I know intellectually it doesnt sound smart at all, but I feel something still are not finished with this, like a chapter that needs to get its end or outcome. Its just a feeling. It might be a false wish thinking feeling. Maybe I can make a list and see if there would be some pros. I am aware of the fact that it is my wounds what he did to me that hurts and may be the reason this is difficult for me, to make a decision.