Battlescar, you are so brave to share your story and to allow yourself to go through this process of grieving. To come here and find support...that is so very brave of you.

Yeah, and no one could blame you for trying to remain positive and not wanting to have that scary conversation. But we look back and realize that perhaps it did come up, but it just wasn't something with which we were quite ready to deal. I'm remembering one day before my mom died. My father stopped by my house after he had apparently been to visit my mom in the hospital. He was furious that I hadn't been to see her. You see, my mother had been to the hospital countless times throughout her life due to her illness. So, at the time he yelled at me I didn't quite get why he was so upset. Now, I realize that I felt guilty after he left. I felt guilty because I didn't want to believe that she was worse than before and that this wasn't just another one of her trips to the hospital. Hindsight can seem so 20/20 sometimes you know? Again, no one could blame you for not wanting to have that conversation. What's the right way to talk about such a topic you know? You did what you knew how to do and what you ready for. No one can fault you for that. Oh but how she lived! She lived. And her strength in living is a wonderful memory to keep.

Perhaps she was asking your permission to let go my dear. Perhaps she was. I think that whatever you feel in your heart is the right answer. What a show of love on her part to hang on as long as she did. That's another memory you can take with you. She hung on for you and your siblings. I know it really does suck, but hold on to how much she loved you.