First of all; don`t apologize for long post. It is important to get the whole story out, in order to understand what you are going through, and offer support. Also, I think it is very therapeutic to write about what is going on in this forum. Even though I dont`t do it as often as maybe I should, because I have a hard time putting my own issues down in writing... I think it is great to read when people here write about their situations, because it offers so much insight about what it is like to live with this illness. And to address your job-issue; I have gone through a somewhat similar situation. It took me a really long time to accept that for the forseeable future I am not able to go back to work. I have had a lot of guilt and downright shame about that, but now I have slowly learned to accept that my health comes first. But it is really hard to see my carreer just ended (at least for now). Financially, life is not what it used to be, and that was quite an adjustment for me. I guess I had gotten a bit spoiled moneywise, and when that ended, it was pretty depressing in itself... But we get by and the bills get paid (well, most of the time...). But most important is that I have learned to take one day at a time, and to really value my good days. I don`t have any great advice for you, just want to tell you that you are not alone in this situation. Work is such a hard issue when you have a MI. I wish you luck in sorting out the issues you are facing