I survived and so did he. I had to give him some really specific examples and then he suddenly seemed to realize what he had been doing and was kind of shocked by it. He had explanations for some of it but mostly just was surprised at what I was saying and promised to change some things. And we have a sort of code word that I can use if it happens again and that is less awkward for me. I feel like we are back to a place where things are much better than they have been in a while and since I said over and over that I knew it was mostly because he wasn't feeling good I think he doesn't feel as attacked as he might have. It did seem to hit him partway through that he's probably doing this with other people too and so I'm hoping that this will help him maybe realize that maybe the answer is not the other stuff but depression. I really think that's the big problem but I don't think that needs to come from me.

It was a better session, as hard as that was. I think things will be better now, or I hope they will. I am very bad at finding therapists I work well with so I really need him to stay in position in my life as long as possible. I have had a couple of very good therapists (him and one other) and the rest have not been so great. Usually I quit really fast; the one before him I lasted nearly 4 years and it was just chatting, not ever working on helping me learn to cope better. I have no interest in entering that mess again unless there is no other option. Which is still far away today.

I'm so glad that is over with. That was HARD and even harder because I'm still feeling very fragile and somewhat manic but I can easily be tipped into being depressed and a whole new set of problems can come up. Not my favorite time to take a big emotional risk but I survived and so did he and hopefully now things will be better again.