Eleven days. This is the current countdown I have until I graduate college. Finally, nor more studying, late nights doing projects, getting up early for classes, or having to put up with obnoxious teachers. Think I’d be thrilled, right?

Not exactly.

The BA I’m receiving is from my four years of double majoring in TV Production and Theatre. My biggest issue is with the latter.

Since my pre-teen years, I’ve always known that I wanted to go into acting. At first, I thought it was all for the fame, but as the years went by I saw that there was much more to it all. There is nothing I can possibly enjoy more than bringing a character to life from page to flesh, figuring out what makes them interesting and tick, and using all my energy to make them real people and connect with an audience. I’ve come to a conclusion of how acting is a powerful form of story telling, and can leave an amazing impact on an audience when they connect with a character I’m portraying. It’s all worth it to hear them applaud and feel like they’ve experienced something incredible because of the journey me and the rest of the cast has taken them on. As an artist, I want to be able to use that skill to connect with others and to represent to them a world that they often can’t see. This is what I want to do with my life.

But, the biggest problem is my family.

I wouldn’t say that they are completely unsupportive, but rather that they cant see things the way I do. Ever since I kept telling them that I wanted to be an actor, my mom and dad (mostly my mom) would always reply with how impractical that career choice is, or that they won’t pay for all that education so I can become a waiter, or stuff like that. It never gets any easier whenever they talk to me like that, and it feels like they don’t even want me to follow my dreams. I feel like I’ve even been letting them get to me a lot more than what I should allow, and now that I’m graduating, I feel like it’s getting worse.

The only reason why I’m graduating with two majors is because they flat out refused to pay for a theatre major alone. It’s like they think it’s too risky and they found a great way to always guilt trip me with mentioning how much money they spend on me going to school. And I’m just sitting here, and dreading the student loans to come in. I fear ending up as homeless or not making enough to make ends meet, but I don’t want to go into an office job; I fell like it’s really not right for me. I already know for a fact that acting and being in a creative atmosphere is the only ting that will make me really happy—even though I understand how small the pay is, and how competitive the game is.

But the biggest issue is that I fear my parents are going to be incredibly mad at me or even hate me, because after earning that expensive degree and expanding my knowledge, I still want to do something they see as impractical. They don’t understand that it’s more than a hobby to me, and that the theatre has shaped me into the kind of person I am today. I feel like I’m not going to survive at all if they don’t support me, which is awful because my bank account is too small for me to live on my own.

I keep getting even more discouraged and upset whenever I encounter other people either IRL or online that make fun of actors and theatre majors because of the life they chose, and that they think they’re idiots because they are following their passions. I don’t want the whole world to think I’m stupid or incapable of anything because I’m artistic and passionate. I’m starting to legit fear non-artists because of this.

As a result, I ended up seeing a therapist this past semester, to help me work my way through breaking the news to my parents. She has been a wonderful resource, she really has, but I still don’t feel like I’m ready to lay my cards on the table. I was planning on writing a letter to my parents this week, explaining what I’m feeling, what I want to do and why; but the fear is still there. I honestly don’t know what to do and I’m running out of time. I don’t want to give up my dream of acting, but I don’t want to upset my family either.

I just want to be happy living my life and do what I love without any regrets.