Feathers? Oh...well they can use them to clean their teeth after dinner...I'm such a lousy cook. Well, I can cook if I have to...but I am better at brewing up a pot of coffee or a storm. Once I won a turkey in a meat draw and I only had a coffee maker in my room. It took a while to cook the turkey and it wasn't very crisp...actually it was a lot like soup. So I guess I can cook soup. Actually you could make turkey soup and coffee at the same time...two strikes with one blow, so to speak.

HeyJoe...HHEEEYYYYJJJJOOOEEEE...He is out there somewhere...lurking around in the bushes. My night vision sucks. HeyJoe...I have an anti-fertility rite for your daughter. Trust me this one works...well...half the time.
Okay now...take this frog and stick it in your mouth...don't eat it. Now put your knees together and walk backwards around the campfire, all the while saying "I will not reproduce, I will not reproduce, I will not reproduce..circle the fire 3X all the while chanting and then Spit the frog into the fire...NOT on the turkey JOE...gezzzz. Now this works like a charm...because trust me no one wants to kiss a girl who just had a frog in her mouth. It is only good for the one night...and be careful, there are some guys out there who like frogs...you have to watch those ones.
If you like I could mail you some frogs...we have some of those really big frogs perfect for the hormonally dysfunctional...I had two teenage daughters...I barely lived.
"PUUTTT ANNOOTTTHHERRR LLOGGGG INN TTHHE FIRRE...COOOKKK MMEEE UUUPPP SSOMMME TTTUURRKKEYYY AANDDD SSOMMEEE TTTEEAAA".....