no, i don't share that with him. maybe i should... i don't know. i sent him all these poems i wrote last year. some of them were about my attachment to my father. i can't find much on 'attachment to father' online. i guess i always thought that i simply attached to my father instead of attaching to my mother. i said something to my t to that effect once and he said that i would have attached to her initially but maybe turned to him later. maybe. whatever. can't find much on that online, though.

(aside of course from 'electra complex' which is rather old now and has been subject to much critique... maybe it has been replaced by something but i can't get the search terms to find it...?)

poems kind of start with my dad leaving. the pain. being in hospital. where i am now. don't know what there is to say about them. i guess that it has only been fairly recently that he has started to understand my attachment to my father, though. my father never sexually abused me or anything like that. he was just kinda... aloof... distant... avoidant... dissociative, maybe.

can't change the appt time. we are meant to see each other every friday at 8 and then every second tuesday at 1. tuesdays run a bit differently because i have a seminar i need to get to afterwards. that pulls me out of the sleepyness thing. i feel kinda gyped though cause i don't feel like i get the chance to process the session properly. maybe that is best, though. i don't know. kinda want to savour them. remember them. try and imprint them in memory somehow.

anger... was i angry about his time off? i don't remember. faintly remember the hurt... the pain... don't remember anger... maybe i should check the archives...

thank you.