I have been treated for my MI off and on for over 35 yrs, I will be 50 in a few months.

When I was a teenager I was very mentally ill. Along with my lengthy hospitalizations were numerous anti-psychotics and ECT.....I was only 16. The Dr even discussed the possibility of a lobotomy with my parents and myself, and then moved to have a second series of ECT (8-12 "treatments") when we declined.

My parents had the good sense, after being prodded by the nurses, to change Drs. That Dr perscibed only the throazine and did much needed therapy with me.

Does that mean I think that all psychiatry is bad? That all medications are worthless? NO!

I currently take clozaril along with 2 anti-depressants. I am educated, I hold down a responsible job, and I have family and friends who love me and I them. Without medication I KNOW that I would not be able to say those things. Trust me I have tried it without meds, numerous times, and my best years (both for me and my family), were the ones where I was medication compliant!

The past seven years I have really worked hard at staying on my meds. I say "worked" because there is always that part of me that hates the meds.....not for the side effects (I have few), but the for the simple thought that I should even need them. Thinking that what I have is a simple character flaw and not an illness.

But when I try it without meds, I have a very brief window where my thinking becomes distorted and I still have time to act to begin taking the meds again. If I past that window, then a hospitalization is usually the only way to get me on the right course again. Although I can proudly say that I have had only 2 subsequent hospitalizations (since I was a teenager) in the past 35 years.

So what am I really trying to say after this long diatribe..........

Thank God for medication!!

Without it I have no doubt that I would be dead. And that I would have emotionally hurt many people along the way to that final outcome. But with my medication I have led a good and productive life and made a positive difference in many peoples lifes along the way.

Toxic psychiatry????? Only to those who have never truely experienced the before and after of a severe mental illness. I have.......