Recently I found a lump on my neck on my collarbone. As soon as I felt it I started freaking out, thinking I have cancer. I waited a few months to see if it would go away but it didn't so I finally mustered up the courage to get it checked out. Saw the dr, went for a cat scan, now I have to have it biopsied. I'm freaking out. The biopsy itself scares me. I'm afraid it is going to hurt but I am more afraid of being away from my boyfriend during the procedure (I have separation anxiety). It's a pretty short procedure but I am still very very anxious about it. So many things are running through my mind. Will he be in the waiting room when I am done? Will I be able to find the waiting room on my own?

Then there is after the procedure. Will I be able to work (we work together)? Or will he have to find a replacement for me while I recover and leave me home alone. THAT is my biggest fear. Being home alone, away from him, while he is working. He said I should ask my mom to come stay with me while he is working but that doesn't help. I want HIM with me. *sigh* I feel crazy.

I've also been spending a lot of time researching my condition to try and figure out what is wrong with me. The dr doesn't know and hasn't really said what it could be. They do want to test and make sure it isn't cancer. There's that word....cancer. That word I am all to familiar with. My aunt, uncle and Nana all died from cancer. My mother survived lung cancer. Do I have cancer? I'm a relatively healthy person (and I am only 24). I'm a vegetarian and I like to think I eat better than the average person. I am not very active but I do not smoke and I use natural products when I can. There isn't really a reason I should have cancer. My entire household smoked while I was growing up so there is a chance that could have caused cancer. If I have cancer I will have to have some sort of treatment which means I won't be able to work and I will have to be separated from my boyfriend. How silly is that? I am MORE concerned about having to be away from my boyfriend than having a life threatening illness. Yes, I think I am crazy.