Thank you for your caring words. I grew up in a dysfunctional homes so I have lots of FFO issues. I am trying to heal and start live for me, trying to live by the fact that I have needs myself. I try be able to speak my needs. To speak our needs is almost impossible with an abuser, narcissist or sociopath.

I have been thinking a lot again, and I do have a plan that I think will work fine. Most likely my xhusband is not going to like it and probably get slightly defensive and withdraw from his idea to marry again or he will understand. Either way it puts me in a favored situation and I dont think he is ever going to handle it. I need to do this my way because I know already I am not going to be able to say just no.

God doesnt want bad for us. He knows what is best for us and He see everything. I dont think really that I will hurt him, not like we get hurt. These abusers/users usually just get hurt merely because they dont get their way. I guess their hurt are more a defense. But he has been so normal for these years that I have a hard time trusting myself on this. I do at least remember him turning into Hyde in blink of an eye. It was a shock.

I dont think he is getting pushed to marry as he needs his parent accept to marry and even need a yes from a sheik. Long story. I think its because he see an opportunity to try the same as before since he did a mistake back then stepping in the salad. You should have seen his face drop when he stepped in the salad wanting divorce, then hearing I may get him here and then a second later he would not divorce. He knew he had exposed himself. It is clear he wanted one thing. I guess a green card. He even said he was afraid of leaving me if he got to my country. Then saying he would not leave me if I got him there. He even in the process of getting him here, he said out of the blue like nothing ( while I was his wife thinking things were ok and I could get him here ) that he may not want to go to my country, maybe he wanted to go to Australia. He said this while I was his wife! And another time he said "I feel for you, but I dont feel very very much for you" The he said "I didnt say I didnt love you" when I asked so you dont love me?. I think this is what broke my heart the most.

These statements and words from him are shocking and odd. It has become clear to me I cannot forget all the things he said to me ( there are more ), its not reparable unless he agreed to follow my plan. Something I dont think he can handle. He cant handle that if he is fake.

I am sure you and for those who may read this will sit in disbelief over what he has said. I think its part of his disorder not having empathy. He also said when divorcing me to stop cry, what are you crying for, are you finish now?!. Zero consideration for how I felt. This was very traumatic for me, not to mention when he dragged me to the computer to tell me he wouldnt divorce, then jump on and off torturing me with not divorce/then divorce, this did go on for 3 weeks. I didnt sleep or eat. He even said to me on and off how he didnt know should he divorce or not, if he did a mistake or not and he said this because he didnt know would I get the papers I needed. All while I cried and lay sleepless in pain and not eating.

I hope I too will find the strength like you did and that God will provide me with words to speak. I do think my plan will make him withdraw.