My husband did a 2 week inpatient rehab stint for alcohol. It did him good as he was able to get a lot out to his counselor. It's been a month and he hasn't had a drink and I don't know if it's because he was just able to quit cold turkey or what, but he hasn't gone to any AA meetings or called his sponsor.

Anyways, at our joint session with the counselor before he was released he told the counselor that he wished I'd make decisions about stuff. The counselor asked what kind of decisions and he says "Everything!" I have to decide what to have for dinner and cook it because she has no input, I have to decide what we're going to do on a Saturday because she never comes up with anything, etc. Well, the reason I never make any decisions or do anything is because he is constantly telling me how to do it better or "fixing" what I do wrong or totally being very unexcited to do what I want to do.

Perfect example was this past weekend. 3 different times in the span of about 6 hours where I tried to take the lead in doing something and was shot down. First I tried to initiate sex with him. I rarely initiate it because I'd say 9 times out of 10 when I do work up the nerve to initiate, he tells me he isn't up to it or has a headache, yet he complains that I never initiate. Sure enough, he tells me he has a headache and leaves me feeling rejected. Then we buy 2 bushes to plant in the yard. Well I certainly can't go out and plant them without his approval. He tells me that one would look good in the rock garden right behind the one big rock and then the other on the corner of the house. So I verify with him that I should plant it right behind the point of the rock. Yup. So I put it in. I then move to the corner of the house and I have the shovel in had to start digging but I figure I should show him where I'm going to dig before I do so because it's probably not right. He is about to start working on the truck and when I call him over he says "just a minute". He gets there and I show him with the shovel where I'm going to dig. He says "Perfect, go for it". About 30 minutes later when it's all done and filled back in with the bush and dirt he says 'Oh honey can you come here a sec?" I go over to the corner where the bush is and he goes "This is kind of far from the house. I thought you were going to put it closer. I say "I showed you exactly where I was going to dig and you said it was fine!" So I dig that up and dig another hole. Then he takes a look at the other one I put in the ground in the rock garden and goes "I hate to ask you this, but can you move the other one too? I thought you were going to put it more in the center". You TOLD me to put it there! This is why I never do anything or make decisions because you are never happy with it! Sure, I could make dinner, but you'd come in and tell me how wrong I was doing it and have to take over. He complains that he has to do all this stuff around the house but it's because I can't do anything "right". He can be working on the truck, cooking dinner, fixing his computer all at the same time and then complain that I could be doing SOMETHING to help out so I'll start mowing the yard and then he'll come out and get all uppity that I'm not doing that right and take that on too.

I came home with a new birdfeeder and showed him and he was very unenthusiastic about it and goes "It's okay, but I would have paid more for a more sturdy one". Of course you would have. I can't even buy a birdfeeder correctly!! He makes me second guess every single thing I do. Yet when he was in rehab for 2 weeks and I was on my own, I did a lot of things around the house and didn't have to second guess myself or wonder if I was doing them right!

Oh and this is great! I come home last night to find him taking yet another one of his famous days off without pay and he had apparently spent the afternoon going to the greenhouse and buying about 20 different plants and a small tree and planting them in the yard without a word to me that he was going to do this. Oh he had mentioned what he'd like to do a few days earlier but never told me he was going to go and buy all these things without telling me or even me being there with him and then I'm supposed to come home and LOVE that he took a day off without pay, which he will probably continue this entire week because he can't stop at just one day off, and did all of this without saying anything to me. He can do all of this without a word to me yet I can't put a single plant in the backyard without him running out and saying "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? I had plans to put something else there. Why don't you put that in the rock garden?" Then I put it in the rock garden and he comes out a few minutes later and goes "Well I didn't mean right there, why don't you center it more?" Then he orders a pizza online last night without a word to me that he was getting this for us and not a word to me as to what I might want on it and then comes outside and tells me that he just ordered pizza. Then I go online to check my email and see I got a automatic reply from the restaurant with the order and apparently it is on MY debit card! Whether he put it on there intentionally or not I don't know because both our cards are in the system. But wouldn't that be great? I'm not telling you I'm ordering a pizza but I'm going to put it on your card! Then we watch a show On Demand that is a half hour. After that's over I start up another of the same half hour shows and he goes "What are you doing?! I have to leave in a few minutes to go pick up the pizza." I say that we can watch a few minutes of the show before you leave. He goes "No! I just told you I have to leave in a few minutes!". I switch off the tv, throw the remote on the table, throw my hands up in the air and go "My bad"! and walk away.

Oh, here's me making another decision to watch a few minutes of a show and you get pissed off that I want to do that. Can't take the initiative to plant things without you going off on me, can't initiate watching a show without you going off on me, can't initiate sex without you saying you aren't in the mood but yet you get so upset that I don't make ANY decisions in our relationship! Why should I even try if you are going to tell me they are always wrong?!

So WHY does he complain about me not making in decisions in our relationship when he is clearly too controlling to let me make any??? He makes me feel like an absolutely bumbling idiot!