Wow, talk about crazy-making behavior! I'ld have a hard time not slugging this guy. Your patience and self-control are amazing.

To some extent this has become a compulsive habit with him. Going to be real tough to break, but start with basic behavior modifying tactics. When he shows a poor sense of priorities, like taking the day off to work in the yard, give him no positive reinforcement. When he asks you to admire what he does in the yard on a day like that, tell him that his priorities are out of whack and that you'ld be more impressed if he got himself to work when he is supposed to be there. Then pay zero attention to what he got done, no matter how nice it looks.

When he wants you to redo something you have done, simply refuse. Talk about it as little as possible. He will want to engage you with all his second guessing, but try to just not be verbally engaged with him. Leave the conversation. If he wants the plant re-planted, then he will have to do it himself.

A more severe measure is for you to insist that what you did will not be redone. If you cook something and he complains it's not what he wanted, then simply say that he has the option of not eating it. Do not go and cook him an alternative. To influence his behavior, you start by controlling the only thing you really can control - your behavior. If you change your behavior, then you change the whole interaction between the two of you. He is wanting to pull strings on you, as if you were a puppet. Refuse to be manipulated. Make it a point of never re-doing anything at his behest. Stay firm and consistent, and it will have some effect. Refuse to listen to the complaints about how wrong the way you did it was. Getting upset and telling him that you were just doing what he wanted, allows him to stay in the mindset of interacting with you in this obnoxious way. Terminate the interaction. Change the subject . . . go into a different room . . . busy yourself with something else . . . but completely withdraw your mental and physical energy from the item that he wants to rethink.

This is tough, and he will have this tendency all his life. But don't restrict yourself from doing things out of fear of his response. Make his response less important. He thinks that whether the world goes on spinning depends on him being satisfied with how things are. It doesn't. Show that you are unconcerned with him being completely satisfied. Show that you can live with him being unsatisfied. He needs to learn to live with it too, which is genuinely hard for him.

Like when he tells you to replant the plant, tell him, "No. I like it right there. I know you don't, but in time you'll get used to it." Then walk away. If he does then actually move the plant, don't make an issue of it. Ignore that he did this.