I wrote a long response but unfortunately crashed in the middle and dont' remember all I said but IMHO, your husband is a controlling jerk and gets off on ordering you around. In a nutshell you have a few options, get out, which you have made clear isn't one you would want. Stand up for yourself and assert your own independece, stop being pushed around by him and learn to say no. Lastly but obviously not the choice I suggest would be Just let it go... and magically think he'll come around and/or change one day.