Hi Lonely, I am sorry to hear that you are suffering. Even though we have different background stories, I understand your pain very well. When I got on meds, it changed my world. As others have stated, it took a bit of experimenting to find the right meds for me. I found that anti-seizure medication was my best bet as I am Bipolar II with frequent mixed episodes (feeling extremely up and down simultaneously). It changed my life, I was able to progress in my personal life regarding friendships, and it even helped my marriage. I do agree that there are other routes, non medicated to take as well. Maybe try both, and see what works for you. Good luck.