Just want tO let you know your not alone. Actually I am the same way with my three kids but I am a single mom so I don't have a SO to snap on, which may or may not help lol.

What I find helps me is making sure I have an hour a day at minimum to myself. No not cleaning cooking or anything else. Something fun or enjoyable like knitting, crosswords, meditation etc. The more centered I am the calmer I am with my kids. Explaining this need to your husband might help scheduling time for just you.

I hope I helped. Take care of yourself.