You might want to tell your therapist about this. You might also want to get in touch with Alcoholics Anonymous.

I used to binge drink every once in a while to kill my emotions. I did it for years. IT DID NOT HELP!!! I just needed more and more alcohol to achieve the same effect. I realized that if it continued, I would kill myself and I was just starting on narcotics to control physical pain at the time. So I cut the alcohol out of my diet completely.

I know I cannot handle it. It has one purpose, to kill my emotions and I have tools at my disposal that are cheaper and safer on my health. (writing regularly on here, for instance) I only miss the alcohol rarely, but I realize it is no solution.

IT IS NOTHING BUT SLOW SUICIDE, ESPECIALLY WHEN MIXED WITH PILLS....IN FACT, DEATH CAN COME A LOT FASTER WHEN YOU MIX THIS STUFF WITH PILLS THAN YOU'D WANT.

I live with the "constant ache", as do you. But pills and booze to kill my emotions are not the answer. When the hangover wears off, the problems are still there. I live with more on my plate than one can possibly imagine.

Find yourself a good and trusted friend to talk to regularly. Barring that, find a friend on-line or on here or find someone who understands your problem. I have a friend I write to every day and I see a mental health nurse once a week. It has saved my butt, in addition to coming on here.

Please tell somebody about this because it WILL escalate, I promise you. You don't want to see this problem get worse.