Your initial question was why your husband said he wanted you to make more decisions and then he corrects you--or something of that nature.

I read through your posts. I believe you provided the answer in how you grew up with a parent you (at least periodically) could not please--and now you've married someone similar.

If it helps, I give you permission to start pleasing yourself. You've been able to do this since you were 18 but it is often difficult to realize this, especially if a parent hasn't helped us to recognize our own empowerment.

Your husband has some significant problems and I didn't see where you mention him having a diagnosis other than alcoholism--yet it seems to me more is going on. You can suggest he get a proper diagnosis and treatment plan, but you're not going to be able to force him. So here is what I suggest.

I know you don't want to divorce. But start separating your finances now. If he wants to buy $300 motorcycle parts it will have to be from money he has earned. Don't take out any more loans for him; don't co-sign for him; and don't have any credit cards in common.

Tell him that doing things his way is not working and that from now on you are going to live your life like the reasonable, hardworking person you are. Don't argue with him and I wouldn't respond to any of his childish complaints other than to tell him "I'm not going to argue about this" and/or "I am doing what is right for me".

Reduce the areas where he can create problems. Either make your own dinner--in which case you can make enough for two; or bring dinner home when you come home from work--enough for two. But don't listen to anymore rants or complaints or threats revolving around food, and don't cater to any unreasonable tastes.

Stay out of the daughter situation and unless you are legally bound, don't put another dime towards any of the problems he has regarding her. She was right to tell him off.

You'd be well-advised to go to Al-Anon meetings.

You're probably thinking, oh, none of this will change him. I agree. But you can change things for you--you deserve a happy life. Do what you want to give yourself a happy life.

I have been in a similar situation. I wish you the best