I think when you decide to make your own decisions and/or initiate things you have to be behind yourself and less interested or intimidated by him? If you ask his opinion and he says, "planting it there is fine, go for it" then you go ahead and plant it there and if he then changes his mind, that's all him, has nothing to do with you! If he doesn't like it where you have decided to put it, he can move it :-)

You are allowed to want what you want! You are also, though, 100% responsible for getting what you want (as he/each person is). If you don't like a messy kitchen with overflowing trash you can ask your husband to take out the trash but if he doesn't want to/isn't on the same schedule you are, you are the one it is bothering, you can take it out! Everyone has different wants and needs but we cannot tell another person what they want or need.

Your husband wants you to initiate things more so you get to decide if that is what you want to do. Sounds like you do not have good success with initiating sex so maybe you don't do that. If he complains, you say, "Hey, I tried initiating sex last Tuesday; Saturday two weeks ago; and April 23rd and you were not interested any of those times; three strikes and you're out buddy. You intiate when you want it and we'll see if that works better; it's too much work for me."

Be sure of what you want for yourself. You cannot know/be/please someone else, that's their job. Yes you can want to know and please a spouse and decide to surprise them or fix their favorite food, etc. but they are in charge of their response and if it is not something you get anything out of (their enjoyment -- if they complain instead) then you don't bother with that again.

Fix a meal you want to eat. If he doesn't want to eat it or doesn't like how it is cooked, etc. he is perfectly free to make whatever he wants. When he complains, just keep telling him you enjoyed "it" and it was what you wanted. He cannot argue with what you want and your going after what you want, it's 100% yours. My husband enjoys my cooking for him and even if a meal is not successful (doesn't taste good :-) he thanks me for making it! I am not the food, I am my effort. If he does not like the food, that is his problem. I know my husband does not like broccoli :-) so I don't cook broccoli. But if someone were to criticize my effort (to get what I wanted to get) I'd just look at them like they're crazy since it does not have anything to do with them, is what I wanted and I went for it and enjoyed the experience!