Super quick update because I'm about to head out the door:
Met with my individual T yesterday. She was also very understanding and not freaked out about what I told her. Even when I mentioned
from one day last week, which I had not talked about to H and didn't bring up in front of MC since H was there. She said the feelings could be a result of one or more of the following: OCD (which I have) with psychotic features (which I don't know that I've had before--she said not to be freaked out by the word "psychotic" in there), anxiety (got it), depression (have had it lately), and/or the Effexor. Or possibly stopping the Paxil, but I was down to like 8 mg for a week or two before stopping it, or "crumbs," as she said, so that's less likely. Also possible that I'm reacting to stuff coming up in therapy--all the childhood stuff that came up as a result of the transference--or the fact that I'm a mom and identifying with my 4-year-old, who's rather emotional--and who her developmental pediatrician thinks may have anxiety (along with a bit of a speech delay and possibly something else going on).
She did say she hadn't really seen me be like this before--as in having such extreme reactions to things as I have the past couple months. Like breaking down sobbing and getting upset with myself over seemingly minor things.
The good news is I see my p-doc tomorrow for the first time in a month. So we'll see what she says. Of course, when I saw her a month ago, I was like, "Yeah, Effexor seems to be working good, just went up in dose, a bit of stress/anxiety, but mostly doing OK!" She's fairly new, so I tend to tell her bits and pieces of the story, because there's only so much I can fit in during a 25-min med check. I mean, I try to be honest about my mood (for the most part) and symptoms, but might not be like, "So the reason I was really upset that one day last month was related to transference for your colleague in the office next to yours, and there was a misunderstanding, and it made me go back to childhood fears of abandonment." I would probably just say, "Something in therapy triggered childhood fears of abandonment."
I've also had a bit of what I think is derealization (or maybe depersonalization) lately, but didn't get a chance to bring that up with T (or MC). I had some of that as a kid, too, but not so much in the past 20 years. Maybe I'm just reverting to childhood/teen/college-age methods of coping? I do snuggle with a stuffed elephant of my daughter's sometimes lately, too...
OK, that wasn't so short, but compared to my usual postings...Any advice on how to approach this with p-doc? Thanks!