For almost four years I've been identifying as an aromantic asexual, and I was proud of it, until recently.

I've never been sexually attracted to anybody until this one person. Beforehand, imagining myself having sex in general was just really nauseating, but now I can't help but want to have sex with him, but there's still something repulsing me away from it. In my head, I can fantasize about kissing and sleeping with him all I want, but when it comes to reality, I'm so uncomfortable around any sort of intimacy that even receiving friendly hugs make me feel strange in a bad way.

I'm not repulsed to the idea of physical intimacy as a whole - in fact, I'm primarily a romance writer who loves it when people are physically intimate, and I do get aroused by the notion of sex, but even if this man I'm sexually attracted to wanted to have sex with me, I would be turned off before anything even happened.

Never has this been distressing to me, but now it is. It doesn't feel normal, especially when suddenly I am feeling this, and I really want to be in a romantic relationship but I can't feel love as well (I really don't love anybody, which is also distressing to me). I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it.

I've never been sexually abused, and I've never been in a relationship before. I have mild Asperger's, but so mild that I don't even know if the term applies to me anymore as I get older, so that shouldn't be what's holding me back. However, I am transgender (AFAB towards an agender/transboy sort of thing) and I wonder if maybe it's my own physical dysphoria that makes me this uneasy - since, when I imagine myself as a boy, the repulsion isn't nearly as bad.

If that is the case however, I don't know how to get over it, since I'll always have these body parts and will never have the money to attempt to change anything. Besides, getting rid of parts won't change the fact that I don't have the parts I want to begin with. I need some advice or insight, I suppose.

Thank you.