Well, it sure doesn't sound like you are dependent on others in a material sense. You sound like a person who would be plenty able to live on your own and pay the household bills. So you stayed with your mom because she didn't want you to leave. You stayed, even though she wasn't that nice of a person to live with. You stayed as a "gift" to her. Your relationship with your husband certainly seems to be patterned on what you worked out with your mother . . . putting the other person's satisfaction ahead of your own.

I don't have a lot of insight into how a person gets into that mindset. I've tended to give a lot of priority to doing what I want to do. (Not that my life hasn't had plenty of dysfunction and me being self-defeating in my own behavior.) Do you, yourself, have any thoughts about why you married someone who treats you like your mother did? When you and your husband were dating, did it seem that life with him would turn out better than it has? I doubt if you got married expecting things to be like this. What were your hopes?