A friend who is a counselor sent me a book that she said made her think of me the whole time she was reading it. It is written by a survivor of mother-daughter sexual abuse, which I experienced for years growing up. This woman's story was mine, exactly, in many, many ways.

It took me years to be able to bring it up in therapy, but with the help of a loving and patient therapist, I finally did it, tiny step by tiny step. I thought I had moved beyond it. I last saw my mother at a family function last summer. She is 78 years old now, needs a walker, looks her age -- she has always been small, but is now frail. I looked at her and thought, "she can't hurt me anymore," and I thought I was OK, and I thought I had even managed to forgive her.

But I read this book and I realized I still have problems and I'm NOT over it and I don't think, despite being what others outwardly see as high-functioning, that I will ever get over it, or that it is even possible to get over in the first place. If anything, my issues have grown in adulthood.

Does anybody really ever "survive" abuse? Does anyone ever get to the point where they can say "this happened, but I've dealt with it satisfactorily and it doesn't hurt me anymore?" There are plenty of things still wrong with me, so I'm just wondering.



Candy