I'm sorry you've had all these challenges and are still having them. To me you seem like a really smart and interesting person. I wish I could talk to you in person.

I don't know what all you've tried on your path to healing, but I wonder if you've tried just accepting certain things instead of struggling against them. I mean, for example, the smoking and the exercise thing. Can you just accept that you smoke and don't exercise without judging yourself or telling yourself you should do this or that?

You've achieve stability. Now you just need some inner peace IMO.