((Trace14)),

I am sorry you have been so challenged by the Mental Health people you have interacted with. I definitely have my own history of challenges in that area and at a time where that was the last thing I needed to experience.

You know what? My newest therapist has said to me, the reality is that just because an individual happens to have letters after their name, it doesn't mean they are actually good at what they do, or are responsible people that can actually be respectful and helpful.

The therapist you have discribed as telling you that you are not ready yet for therapy is really telling you that "she/he" is not capable of giving you what you need from "her/his" end. Someone struggling with PTSD that may have a history of "emotional abuse" can be very triggered by this because of the way others have also said in their dysfunctional ways, "I can't recognize your needs and instead can only blame "you" because of that fact".

Yes, you are right, it is a provider/customer relationship and you do have the right to "fire" a professional that fails to fill "your" needs, which in your case is therapy for someone who struggles with PTSD or a specific kind of PTSD called complex PTSD.

Once I did find a therapist that was actually capable of helping me, I realized just how much other providers had not only failed me, but did so badly and really missed some very important "clear red flags" that I presented. Yes, that can be very triggering because that is also what many individuals experience in their history which is often experiencing "dysfunctional" individuals that also failed to be respectful in recognizing your needs too.

Trust is something that is challenging for "everyone" to begin with, when someone is challenged with PTSD, that challenge is magnified as that is what PTSD does, the individual struggling with it becomes "very sensitive" and can experience "fight/flight" reactions that they themselves don't know how to control or often even what may be triggering these episodes.

What is actually taking place is that what has been disturbed is how the brain normally functions. The frontal executive conscious part of the brain is used to how much of the subconscious parts of the brain is on "auto pilot" and not having to "think through" every aspect of one's daily life routines. This is much like how a person gets used to living in a home and getting so that person subconsciously just "knows" where everything is, all the light switches, where everything is in the cabinets, where each room is, where the bathroom is etc. When PTSD happens, all of a sudden it's as though all these things have been changed and now the person has to look for each light switch, find "where" the bathroom is and also has to figure out "where" everything is in all the cabinets too.
The executive part of the brain now needs to "pay attention" a lot more rather then just "knowing" where all these things are and a person "just" getting up and getting ready for work etc. where none of these things in their environment were disturbed or changed so they don't even have to think about them. When someone suddenly "has to" think about all these things, they get very "stressed' and even very "emotional" too. One of the well known most stressful things in the average person that has been well noted is actually that of "moving from one home/dwelling to another". However, another big stressful thing is also "ending a long time relationship" too. People often choose to stay in a dysfunctional relationship simply because they have "adapted" to it in a "predictable" way and they don't know "how" to actually get away from it. Often what can happen is the individual was unknowingly taught that a "dysfunctional" relationship was normal, in other words, "isn't that where all light switches are located?". Hmm, lets just think about that for a minute. Did you know that when houses are built typically light switches are put in places that are "familiar"?

Ok, well, right now you are clearly stressed, you get overwhelmed and frustrated, you feel uneasy, you are even at times hyper aware, and most likely you also struggle to sleep too. You want to find a way to get yourself together and so you are now seeking help to do just that too. What kind of therapist is best suited to help you with that? Well, a therapist that understands "how" you are challenged and has the ability to sit and listen to you discuss your own "house" and your "own" history as best as you can so you can slowly figure out how to get organized and slowly build up a way to "feel safe" and function so you can be more at "ease" with yourself.

Just because a person goes to college and learns about "psychology" and begins to practice offering "therapy", doesn't mean they will actually have the true capacity to be able to sit with a patient and slowly "listen" to a patient while the patient slowly builds trust in them so they can reveal "how" their private house actually "is" without the fear of being "judged badly", especially if the person is struggling with "complex PTSD" where they have already had too many bad experiences where someone else "judged" them and "hurt" them.

You asked me "how long" does this "therapy" take place where you can begin to make gains on "feeling better" again. The truth is I can't really give you that answer, it's different for each person. What I can tell you is that it does take time to find a good therapist, that a good therapist has to have the capacity to sit and listen to you and be with you as you discribe your own personal "house" and where things are "in you" and not "judge" you for where things are either. You don't "have to" be able to remember everything either, not everyone can remember their childhoods in great detail. There are also things that individuals "may" disassociate from "unknowingly" too, that's ok, often what is needed when that happens is some more creative ways to access these areas without directly going into them.

There is no such thing as "a perfect" person. It's ok if you are not perfect, it's ok to accept yourself and work on whatever you need to in order to "heal" and gain a sense of who you are and how to slowly get your own "house" in order. It's "ok" to slowly learn how to establish better boundaries "for yourself" too, truth is we all make mistakes along the way in understanding how to best "protect" our boundaries. You don't have to be "ashamed" about whatever ways you may not have protected your boundaries in your past either. It's "ok" to grieve the ways others have invaded your boundaries and in so doing disrupted "your house" that you are "now" learning how to organize so you can once again settle into who you are in "the now".

Healing is slowly learning that "reminders" of "hurts" can come forward and pull you into a time that is "past" and can be upsetting and even stressful, yet slowly making the conscious choice to say to "self", yes that did happen, it was upsetting to me, but that is not "now". It may sound "easy" but it isn't, because sometimes a trigger can take place where the person doesn't quite know "what" they are being reminded of. PATIENCE is a must when that happens, understand that a better understanding of "what it may be" will slowly come forward. Try to allow "self" to slowly understand that it's just an old "switch" that is from your past that possibly upset you more than you consciously realized, that is ok, it's not really going to hurt you either, you just need to be patient until you can figure out what that switch really means so you can finally "resolve" it.

A "good" therapist is a person that actually understands what I have just stated. They are a person that understands how important it is that first and foremost you feel "safe" with them and slowly get to the point that "together" you can slowly explore your house and discover whatever is troubling you so "together" you can work on "resolving" it.

((Hugs))
OE