Yes, you are defintely walking on eggshells. IMHO, he is showing signs of being paranoid and yes he does need help. Yes, I know he is "afraid" to get help, he is terrified of being judged.

I am even thinking he is in "fight/flight" mode too and all he knows how to do is either run from or fight in which he comes out with "blaming". I have a feeling he does have severe trust issues too. I think he took on too much when he bought this house and now is very worried about paying for it and he is also not happy at work and he doesn't know what to do about it all.

You know what? I believe you, and it could be that he is heading for a breakdown and he doesn't know what to do. He is isolating from all his friends and anyone he feels is a threat somehow. ANYONE, can experience a breakdown if they get overwhelmed like this. Often with men it can come out with a lot of anger, so that is why it's important that you do your best to keep things "calm".

The request for "shopping" had nothing to do with you, he is just looking for some kind of "something" he can do to fill this void in himself that he doesn't understand. All this talk about how "marriage is a lie" is coming from a deep place in him where it was a lie where he parents were concerned. He is trying to figure out how to "avoid" what he feels is envitable with "you" and this marriage, "failure".

IMHO, this is something that "traumatized him" deeply and while he has done the marriage thing, he is TERRIFIED that it will fail, that HE will fail at it. He is afraid he will get "abandoned", only he doesn't really understand that on a more "conscious" level.

I am wondering if he is experiencing the beginnings of a stress breakdown from this deep challenge because the behavior patterns you have been discribing "are" some of the early symptoms. The fact that he is not happy at work could be a major factor in this deep challenge all coming to a head and he doesn't know what to do about it.

At any rate Seeyalater, he could be on the verge of having a "stress breakdown", when people are on a verge of having this take place they become irrational and confused, they don't understand what is happening to them either. And "yes" they often push people around them away too. They often try to find anything they can do to reduce the stress, work out too much, disappear in the boat as he is doing, run to dad for help who fails him by telling him to "man up", to a mother who only tells him to do whatever makes him happy, well, at this point he doesn't even "know" what makes him happy. Oh, it's all your fault too, because he loves you, and somehow that hurts too much because "marriage always fails" and you will only leave him, so why believe "marriage" actually works well for people.

Perhaps he was "ok" until this thing "marriage" took place that is clearly hitting some deep challenges in him that he doesn't understand. Everything he is saying is "part of the hurt", even though it doesn't quite make sense to you. Yes, it can seem irrational and confusing to you too. Well, stress, or trying to avoid a stress breakdown, does show up in irrational behaviors like this.

My advice is to be as calm as you can and don't send any kind of "rejection" messages to him if you can. He is rejecting everyone he thinks will somehow "reject him", your mother, his friends, and even you at times, it is his only way of "self protecting", he doesn't really understand "why" either.

That is why "if" you can "thank him" for anything he has contributed, do so, I honestly don't think he is feeling much of anything actually "positive" about himself. I think when he goes to work, he tends to get handed a lot of negatives from those he works with too. Whatever he does say is part of what is bothering him that he just doesn't know "what" to do about.