I joined this Forum a few months ago and I met really nice and lovely people here since then, but nevertheless I feel kind of disconnected, maybe because there are so many members.. this disconnected feeling is one of my everyday-issues...I don´t make friends that easy and I am nearly never the initiative one beginning a conversation..maybe because I still think I am not the one others want to befriend with..I think there could be aspects on my personality that could seem frightening.or strange.(?)don`t know how it seems from outside, from another perspective..when I had chosen my name "cyborg_hearted", afterwards I thought: "oh that maybe could sound like I am sort of a monster,...I am everything but a monster!!" I could not change it afterwards so I thought ..okay,then this is my name here!....I chose that name because I know of my heart and it´s feelings but I also had to get to know this "defence -programming" that´s got this feelings under control.especially when I see myself emotionally in danger...it sometimes makes me seem acting kind of cool...unemotional..that´s why this name
...maybe I am strange, my life has made me become strange or not "normal"....my way of thinking is not usual..so that´s often the reason for me standing seperated, feeling seperated.. I need a long time, for example at work, to become feeling being a part of my workmates, need a long time to trust others, show them who I am and feeling accepted for who I am.
but I don´t want no longer feel this disconnection...so what can I do, especially here inside this community to find contacts?
any ideas?
thank you for reading
yours
cybheart