Whenever I am in public or even with friends, I feel pressure to 'be normal'. This is despite my friends knowing I have bipolar. I am so aware that I do not want to sadden others, upset others, or make them think poorly of me, that it stops me from interacting, and quite often even going out in public situations. Easier to stay at home where it is safe and I do not have to 'perform'.

Yet I feel totally different when I am high. I can be the life of the party, and do not care what others think. I get my confidence back, act like a madman, and live for the joy that comes about from making others laugh and smile. I love feeling like that.

So, for me, it is more anxiety than bipolar that dictates how I act. But it is the bipolar that puts me into a depressive phase, that increases my anxiety, which in turn leads me to withdraw. I think one feeds of the other.