Today I babysat my nieces. And just like every time I go to their homes I drive past what used to be an enormous state psychiatric facility. It's now owned by a university and the Kirkbride buildings have been restored and are beautiful. There's a daycare and children play happily. And yet every time I see it I remember that it could have been so different for me if I were born not too many years before I was. Lithium was a new drug when I was born in the 70s. And so many drugs weren't available. I nearly certainly wouldn't have been ok in the community.

Realistically I would probably have been in a hospital in the town I live in now. We used to run cross country meets there and it was kind of spooky. But compared to the big one near my sister's it was nothing. Every so often I take a detour and drive around up there. Not all the buildings are restored and since it's a college campus lots of people have snuck in and pictures can be found online of the old wards.

I just can't imagine. Now that county is probably the most progressive in the state. As of a few years ago MI adults were eligible for a free camera and photography lessons among other activities for the larger percentage of MI people because some stayed in the community when the hospital shut down.

It makes me feel so grateful, even when the drugs aren't working and the high dose is making me feel icky and I'm tired of fighting to sleep and function even a little bit. Because almost anything is better that than life.