That is a good question, where to start. It depends on the individual and where they are in their life in the now. Even how old the person is makes a difference too.

Typically with "complex" PTSD, the individual's subconscious mind has been so intruded on by others that they have gotten to a point where they have really lost their sense of "self". And they do tend to blame themselves for it and that is where a therapist has to be firm and let them know that it's really "not" their fault.

It isn't "just" how others around you "hurt" you, it's how these individuals disrupted your sense of "self" that needs to be worked on slowly. That is why it's so important that a therapist be one that you can feel "safe" with which means you feel this individual is not going to judge you, but instead will "validate" that "yes" the way others in your life treated you wasn't fair to you and here is how it affected you that you did not understand.

For example, you talked about your mother and how she tries to manipulate you, when you don't give in to her she even cries which in turn makes you feel "bad" about yourself. She was a big part of your foundation as a person too, so it's important that you talk about her so you can see how she affected you that was not your fault. It's important to understand that "most if not all" children want to please because when they do please they gain a sense of worthiness and permission to grow and live and prosper.
If you think about it, look at how popular Facebook is, well, that is popular because of how people like to be "liked", when that happens they gain a sense of empowerment about who they are and how well they are doing in their life. All this facebook, twitter, texting, emailing, is expressing how much people are connecting so they can feel "a part of", and many of the individuals that are very active with it are the younger ones that are exploring the social world and "themselves".

So, going back to your mother and how she tends to be so needy with you. You need to talk about her and "learn" why she is like that, why, people can be like that so you understand what it means and respond to them in healthier ways where you "don't" feel guilty when you set boundaries. You had mentioned that you ended up leaving home early, at age 16, well, that is very young yet. And the problem with leaving a needy parent at that age is an individual will be looking for a way to "please and do well" where they may "learn" yet other things that are not all that healthy for them either.

It could be that if you are living with your mother again "out of need" while you get your life back together, that her behaviors that have not really changed very much are triggering you. Well, because you chose to leave her at age 16, that can be a starting point because you left with only a certain amount of "life skills" and that is probably the real beginning of perhaps learning some "unhealthy" life skills.

You need to keep in mind that you are not going back to become "self critical" and regret. You are just at a point where you need to take some time out to look at what did take place with you where you really didn't have enough knowledge to understand the kind of person your mother was/is, and why and how that affected you. You are learning how to clean that up, morn whatever you addressed, experienced afterward that you really didn't know how to address, and understand it better now so you can make "peace" with it. For example, you can feel bad that your mother is so needy, but you don't have to feel bad when you set up your personal boundaries with the ways she expresses that neediness with you.

Right now, you have talked about how you broke away from a toxic relationship. You are now living in a basement with your children. Ok, first, it is good that you made the choice to "save yourself" and disconnect from someone clearly unhealthy for you. But, you are not sure "where" to go from here. That is "ok" though. However, for you to get a better idea about "where to go" from here, it's a good idea that you take some time and finally look at where you have been, why that happened, and how you can better manage yourself in the future.

You talked about visiting your friends, and how you used to love to work on cars. Well, that's good, because you are visiting a part of you that you liked, nothing wrong with that. What you need to get a hold of is who your core is and then learn how to settle into that part of you only this time with "better boundaries". As you do that, you not only help yourself, but you will also be able to help your children in healthier ways too.

PTSD is a challenge of "being detached" and feeling uneasy about one's life in ways they don't always completely understand. It takes "time" to explore the deep personal challenges, morn whatever you feel you lost, and be validated as needed, but to also work on getting a better hold on who you are and how you can move forward.

When you do this with a good therapist, you can have a mentor type individual that helps you feel "safe' so you can be who you are and live your life in a way that "you" are happier as a person. It isn't about showing someone your personal "house" to have them put you down either, instead it's to help you organize it based on who you are as a person, that you can learn a lot and actually slowly clean up whatever is disorganized and have a much better way of managing your life. As you do this, when a trigger happens, you will understand it better, self sooth better and gradually develop better self management skills so triggers are not so debilitating to you.