As some of you already know, I've been realitively quiet lately due to a feeling of calm and peacefulness as of late. Well, that has just changed tonight. It feels like someone just bashed my peace with a hammer, and now I'm left to pick up the pieces. I feel I got myself into a situation no one can understand. And to top it off, I feel like I have a disorder most therapists don't even understand. It's a lonely and isolated feeling. All I want in life is to be happy, but it's like life refuses to let me be happy. I understand that happiness is a choice and blah blah blah, but it feels like my whole world is falling apart and I just want to disappear. Thoughts of hurting myself have been running through my mind. I just don't want to deal with all the drama anymore. I want a nice peaceful life. I'm sick of struggles and pain. I'm sick of feeling like I have no one to turn to. I've been broken psychically, mentally and emotionally to the point I don't even know what's real or who I can trust. Today I was told everything I do is wrong. It's the same old crap I've been told all my life. Maybe I'm a horrible person and I should just hire someone to make all my decisions for me. I think I'm so traumatized from my childhood criticism that it doesn't take much to put me over the edge and/or trigger these feelings of isolation and worthlessness. I honestly don't see a reason to fight anymore. Therapy makes me depressed. And every other avenue of approach isn't working. I'd seriously welcome death tonight if he was knocking on my door...