I am glad you found PC, it's important that you realize you are not alone with this challenge. You need an outlet to realize "you" are there and you can still interact in "safe" ways, and yes, come across others that can relate to where you are in your challenges right now.

The big problem with PTSD is that there is so little understood about it by society that when one has it they can feel very vulnerable when around other people. Sadly, as with my own experience, family can do and say all the wrong things which tended to aggrivate it for me, when I myself did not understand it all that well.

It took me a long time to understand that when I experienced a trigger, that whatever it was would come over me like a wave, but then it would also receed. I had to learn that instead of being afraid of whatever it was, to allow myself to instead look at it and think about what it meant, because it always comes from something that had hurt me somehow.

One needs to learn how to be "very patient" with their healing and work on taking small steps too. Often something can take place where I would just "react" without consciously deciding to react too. Well, that sure scared me, until I realized that "after' I had reacted I could consciously think about it and understand where it came from. I learned that each time I did that I became aware of whatever it was that was causing me to "just react" and could slowly gain more control over it.

I learned to look at it as an "injury" and that as with any injury, if someone accidently hits it, I would react immediately without consciously deciding to react. Was I "afraid", ofcourse I was, anyone would be afraid of possibly reacting without consciously choosing to react. However, what I did learn is that once I became more consciously aware once I had reacted, then I could also consciously work on it and slowly "heal" whatever it happens to be.

You are right, life is not black and white only, there is a lot of grey. You are not perfect, neither am I, and the truth is neither is anyone else.

It's important for you to see that you are not alone with this challenge that others have it and have found ways to manage it and slowly "attach" again.