hope this works for you you need this. what a state of mind to have. i was manic for aprox a year before i was diagnosed and had well bad judgment and behavior was verry risky. so i kind of know how you must feel. ask about neurontin. it may help stabilize your moods as well. i was on lamictal a huge dose for many years and finaly got off because just didn't work right for me. than i switched to neurontin. and not too high of a dose either. works better, just saying for info.