hey. everybody's therapy journey is different. it can take some time for you and your therapist to figure out what is right for you on your therapy journey.

i've had a lot of abuse too... and have alters and stuff... i'm well aware that the 'standard line' on treating that is to do memory work... but thats not my journey and its not a journey that feels right for me.

an alternative journey (for example) can involve your talking about... whatever you want to talk about. stuff in the present. stuff a little back in the past. whatever you want. basically... there will be a pattern of how you interact with your therapist that will emerge. transference. stuff like that. when those things come to the fore it can feel like a little bit of relief to understand the origins of those feelings (sometimes).

in your first appointment... your therapist would have been trying to get a feel for what is likely to come. i said a lot of things to my therapist in that initial interview that neither of us have mentioned since. i know he took notes... but he asked questions he hasn't asked since and i talked about things i haven't talked about since. i guess they will come up again at some point. when i'm ready, basically. when it won't hurt too much.

> So, is this what I have to go through to get better? Do I have to relive memories of abuse?

that is controversial. cartharsis is reliving the memories. freud (and others) advocated the cathartic method where reliving the memories was supposed to make the intensity less over time. there has been some research to show that catharsis can actually keep the negative emotions around, however, basically... making people worse. reprocessing is when you talk about what happened and what it meant to you. how you view people and how you view yourself in light of what happened. that is from more of a 'rational' rather than a 'feeling' place. it is the reprocessing that is meant to help... that being said... my t keeps saying that i need to feel the feelings a little bit. reprocessing in the absence of emotion feels empty whereas cartharsis in the absence of reprocessing hurts like hell.

> I just don't see the use of therapy if it makes me feel worse.

hopefully your therapist will focus on building a positive working relationship with you and focus on giving you some skills to help you get through life a little bit better. building trust and stuff like that.

> Do I have to feel worse to get better?

not sure. i think about that a lot. i think that yeah you have to face some stuff that you haven't been able to face in order to process it. but... that you need to get a bit stronger before you will be able to face it so that you gain mastery over it rather than being debilitated by it.

i would think... that your next session would be considerably lighter.