Ihani, I hope this will help somewhat but please disregard if it doesn't:

You mention that you fantasize about kissing and sex but that when it comes to "reality, [you are] so uncomfortable around any sort of intimacy".

You mention that you have never been in a relationship before but it was not clear to me through this post whether you have had any sexual experience to base these thoughts and feelings on.

You may find that when you are in a relationship, your prior conceptions about sexuality will change and, that sex may feel like a natural next step.