Hi, Im CoolHand. Im new. I was diagnosed 20 yrs ago as Bipolar. I didnt believe it, because it took the Doc all of 30 seconds to diagnose me. I ignored it and did not seek any treatment. Over the years Ive also heard things and seen things on occasion, which leads me to believe I may be Schizo Affective.

Last year I had a major melt down and ended up in the Psych Ward a few times. The hospital told me psychosis due to alchohol abuse. I admit I self medicated.

Drugs I currently take:
Sertraline 100mg
Wellbutrin XL150mg
Latuda 40mg
Zopiclone 5mg

I have not worked since I was in hospital. I have actually been stable enough to work full time for a year once in my life. Usually I last only a few months. When I was released, I was put on welfare and shown the door. There doesnt seem to be much help for mental illness here. So now I try to deal with the side effects of the drugs. I have no motivation at all. I stay home all the time. I sleep, I think. I wont answer the phone. I just cant seem to handle dealing with people anymore, not that I ever could. Ive gained 20 lbs from the meds and feel zoned out all the time. Sound familiar to anyone? I feel like my brain moves inside my head, becomes distorted in different shapes because of the meds, I hear loud doorbells and creeping around my house at night. Ive seen stuff too, but not recently. Paranoia type stuff I guess. being followed, government agents talking to me through my TV etc. In about a month Im going to see a shrink for the first time. I'd like to get a proper diagnosis. Does what I describe sound like Schizo? Oh, Ive quit smoking & self medicating with the booze for about 8 months now. Im proud of that.

I realize that the past has not been smooth, but I dont see much of a future either. Especially with having to take the meds. The side effects suck.

Thats the ultra short version of my story and Im sticking to it. So... hello to the forum.