I've written a few posts about my mom on this site so I'll keep it very short for those of you who don't know. My mom was abusive and was not very involved in my life for many years. Today is mother's day and I've been having anxiety all day because I need to call her very soon and wish her a happy mother's day and talk to her. I'm even experiencing a fast heart beat just leading up to this phone call. I don't want to talk to her, I barely want anything to do with her, but I'm really trying to be the bigger person and just do it so I don't regret it later out of societal guilt.

Also I need to say "sorry" to her because she lost her dad (my grandpa, who was also a deadbeat parent, left her at age 3) and saying "sorry" to her just makes me revolt. She's never once said sorry to me in all the years of pain and abandonment she's created. I know it might sound trivial but it's upsetting to me.

She didn't even call me on my birthday once. She also didn't even call me when grandpa died last week. I had to find out through my sister. I left my mom a voice message about it and she didn't call me back. It's just ridiculous to me.