<font color="#880000"> </font> One thing; I think that your are in a manic state. Secondly I would try to get the paper you signed at the p-docs changed!! You can't walk on glass in therapy, have to know the session stops with him/her! It's the only way you'll find the real you.
Thirdly, I don't know what meds your on currently. But the TOXIC mix you are playing with is dangerous.

I'm not slamming you, it's out of concern, your 23 still a baby don't throw it away.....