@misscath007 - Thank you especially for replying, I really feel lonely and confused because of this. It's good to hear your input. I guess I am looking for something to help make this easier, but at every turn I hear that it's just the way it is. And maybe I need to accept that it is a suffering I am going to have to bear for a time and nothing is going to help. It's just so horrible sometimes.

I am weighing the options about getting an appointment with another psychiatrist, even if it's just one appointment to get another perspective. Would I have to tell my current psych about it if I did? Is there a way he might find out? Would another psychiatrist be bothered by me going to them when I'm seeing psych #1?

My psychiatrist says I'm stable and for almost a year has wanted to discharge me and have a PA or MD write my prescription (300 mg lamotrigine), but I haven't been able to find one who will do it. They get nervous when they hear "bipolar" and want me to stay with him.

I kind of want to ask about adding a small dose of an antidepressant. I'm hesitant about more meds, but I feel like it might help. Just until I make it through this period in my life. I feel certain that once she passes and I grieve, I will be 90% better and wouldn't need the AD anymore. If this *is* situational, then the mood stabilizer won't touch it.

Sorry folks, I'm just hurting and trying to figure out why and what to do about it. Thanks for the replies.