i am almost eight years in recovery. no idea HOW i did that...but i did.

i have had times here and there where i feared i was relapsing and my weight went up and down, but i always kept my intake up and exercise down (i fear exercise now) to try to also keep it managed.

do you have any outpatient support, groups, etc. to access to try to help manage things? any relapse prevention programs in your area?

i also found that thinking back to how horrible i felt and how many years it took for me to get the right help that it was a huge fear of mine to relapse, so somehow i never 'let' it be an option (not sure how that works).

i hope you can find some support and keep yourself accountable so you don't go downhill and can keep going forward in your recovery. i know it's not easy to do, but just remember that you still do have the choice to stick with recovery even if you have some glitches along the way. it's a matter of pushing through the tough thoughts, down days, etc. and reminding yourself of what you want for yourself and life, hopefully that doesn't include the ED.